Pants Not Required

#19 - Spider shark, spider shark, does what ever a spider shark does


Hold on to your butts, a lot of information is going to be thrown at your face.

When we last left our heroes a number of the crew were left unconscious and dying from the dark magic of the cursed island. The Ax(e) of Justification lands in the port of West L.A., a colony city of Sador called City of Dodge. The city lies on the edge of a great desert, a desert filled with dangerous creatures like orcs, Minotaurs and strange elves. Peter the Cleric wants to bring the sick to the Church of Pador, where he has connections and can get aid for the crew. When they arrive the Priests of Pador gladly help an old friend. They bring the sick to a healing room and ask that the others leave. Bjarn stays in the church to keep an eye on things while Bane and Bashanu want to go and find a Temple of the Raven Queen to find more information on the sword of darkness that they’ve been carrying. After much stumbling around some buildings they find the temple. The priest there tells them that sword harbours a vengeful spirit, but they can mind meld with it to see who it is and what it wants. Bashanu melds with it through a ritual performed by the priest. Within the sword Bashanu finds a space that is completely white, after muttering something about racism, he sees a might dragonborn. This dragonborn is or was clearly important as he wears the fanciest of clothes. The dragonborn tells Bashanu that he seeks revenge on the Dragon of Death, the very one our heroes believe is in the desert. Bashanu returns to his own mind and relays the information. The sword then speaks to Bane and with his permission the sword and Bane become melded, Bane’s arm looks infected for a time but then returns to normal. They thank the priest of the Raven Queen and leave. On the way back to the ship Bashanu spies something in a store. One of his old tools! A saw to be exact. With nothing else to bargain with Bane offers the crazy sword in exchange. The shop keep agrees and they take the saw a leave. Around the corner Bane calls the sword back to him, a new trick after being linked to the sword, and returns it to it’s sheath.

Once back at the Church of Pador the pair find that everyone is alive and well!They thank the priests for all they have done and leave to deal with the important manner of where can they sell the leftover Kraken. They discuss a number of plans and in the end sell everything but a small square of the leather for armor for Arabella and the skull to a seafood place. Along with that they sell the recipe Ellie Joybell created, which she is beyond excited for.
They go back to the ship, they talk about their trip into the desert to find this Dragon. In order to do that they’ll need supplies. Null offers to hunt around the city for the best deals and takes Peter a long with her.

While out someone from the shadows calls to Null. It is an elf, he appears from the shadows and asks that she follow him to talk. Null agrees but tells Peter to go back to the ship and tell everyone what happened, if she doesn’t return they know where to look. They walk down the alley and to a building. Inside there are other elves. They greet Null with a smile and say that it is nice to see her in person as they have been following her for some time even if she has not always followed them. Null inquires about this, as it turns out these elves are a part of the Undying Court, the deity in which Null places her faith. They tell her of the courts plan to rid this plane of all who put faith in the Raven Queen. The Court believes that the Raven Queen is interfering too much where she shouldn’t be and that she should be destroyed. Now is the time for Nullshalee Barrivirr to prove her faith and loyalty to the Court and kill the two members of her crew who openly support the Raven Queen, Bane and Heru. Null is a bit shocked, she has never had her faith questioned it has always been strong, but could she so easily turn on Bane and Heru? This will have to be thought over carefully. The court tells her she has time to think about it, but be too long and they will have to send agents to do what she cannot. Null bows and takes her leave, blankly wandering back to the ship. The group questions her a bit when they get back, but she doesn’t say much. Night falls and most of the crew goes to sleep, Bashanu wanders the deck to pass the time while Null meditates and considers the days events. Silaphith and Helor take watch. Hours pass and Null is disturbed from her meditation by a scream, she runs to the source. Silaphith the elven woman is being bitten by a spider shark! A quick survey shows that there are more of these creatures scuttling up the side of the ship and even more screams can be heard from the City, it must be being over run! Null readies an arrow in her bow, times slows, we might not get out of this alive.

#18 - We have faith in thee, Bob Saget


With the mighty Kraken finally defeated our heroes argue about who’s to go to the bottom of the ocean and fetch the carcass. While they argue Okle finishes the repairs on the boat, it’s not perfect but it will get them to safety with no problem. Annoyed with the arguing Bashanu ties a rope to his faces and dives into the water, after some time he brings the kraken head back up to the deck. Alphonzo struts out onto the deck and claims that he could have reasoned with the kraken and avoided this whole ordeal. Bane reasons with Alphonzos face with a quick slap. Near the helm Roywin is trying to figure out their direction, with much cursing and the calling of Bob Saget, she declares that they must wait until night to see the stars.

A thing happens, then something something something…all of a sudden the heroes are on an island! Seriously, I totally paid clear attention to what was going on.

The island feels…dark…There is nothing good to come of this. They find some huts, within in them is a man, clearly he has lived here for many years. He talks with the heroes, shows them a map and some other documents. Arabella insists on looting the area, he probably doesn’t need his stuff right? Bane is twitchy, he certainly doesn’t want to be here or have anything to do with this island. Meanwhile the captain has gone missing! Before anyone actually starts to worry he finds the group with a strange rock in hand. Null checks on the strange rock with magic, it’s not good. She tricks the captain into handing her the rock, which she throws right back into the jungle. Before anyone can touch anything else Bane sticks Arabella in his backpack and they all head back to the boat.

With no wind to help them sail, Bashanu dives back into the ocean with a rope and drags the ship behind him. The crew helps by manning the oars. After sometime most of the crew go to rest with Bane, Bjarn and Null taking over. Null begins to feel weak, must be from the rowing, she isn’t meant for physical labour. Time passes, and even weaker she feels. A quick check reveals this is magic in nature, but it must wait. The wind picks up at last. The heroes head to the deck, Null finally gives into the magic and collapses. What could have caused this? That rock from the island? Where’s the captain? The heroes haul Null to the captains quarters, where they find the captain dead…or he at least looks dead. They see an amulet on him he has never had before. Arabella goes to grab it, she faints. Bashanu grabs the amulet and throws it out the window. A knock on the door reveals that this magic is wide spread. Bjarn reports that Torggla, Alphonzo and Ellie Joybell have all suddenly collapsed. Bjarn runs back with Peter the cleric, and the only medic on board. He gives it all he’s got! The captain lives! But he will not last long. The others are alive but weakening fast, they must get to port. Will they get to port in time? Will they all survive? Will I actually pay attention for the whole session? Tune in to find out!

#17 - Alright chums let's do this!


Oh the Kraken didn’t like that evil sword, not one bit. It shakes around, Null takes this chance to land a powerful strike against the krakens head, allowing her allies to heal as they attack it. Both Bane and Bashanu take advantage of this before it sinks below the surface. Bane gracefully back flips of the kraken landing on one foot on the ships railing, it was so graceful in fact that doves materialize out of thin air. There is a moment of calm, the heroes regroup and wait. Bowan recalls in history that the Kraken often tries to take the ship down in one piece as it’s last attack. History repeats itself as eight of the krakens tentacles reach up around the ship and start to crush it.

The heroes attack, Null runs below deck and rallies the ship hands to man some of the canons. CRACK! The front of the Ax(e) of Justification crunches under the grip of the kraken. FIRE! Two canon shots ring out, felling two tentacles. Two more are destroyed, but the ship is taking on heavy damage. Okle and a very unwilling Vagin appear above deck. Okle begins to repair what he can, Vagin just stands there, with Null no longer threatening him and everyone else is busy, he becomes completely useless. Only two tentacles remain. But they are enough to pull the boat to side, causing everyone but Arabella to tumble. Bowan falls over the railing along with Vagin. Torggla falls through a canon port (with much hatred) and lands near the other two. The last two tentacles are severed, but it’s main body is still out there. The ship rights itself, Null runs back outside, and throws rope to the crew overboard. She hauls them part way out with her amazing double crit! (whatwhat?!) Bashanu walks over after making sure that Cade is alright and grabs all three ropes and with one motion hauls all of them back to safety.

What will happen next? Will the kraken reappear? Will our heroes make tons of money from all the kraken meat lying on their ship? Will Null accidentally kill four crew members with critical fails? Probably!

#16 - Release the Kraken!


Our heroes have a quick chance to prepare before the Kraken. Most of the crew makes their way down below deck, to keep safe and to man the cannons.(Helor squeals in excitement.) Cade stays on board, he wants to help the man..rock…guy that saved his life. Bowan created a brilliant plan, shove tons of gun powder in a barrel, light it and throw it at the kraken. The deep sea charge has been born! Bashanu runs to the engines to talk to the water elements, he asks for advise on fighting Krakens, all they can tell him is to destroy the head, they will just waste time fightings its arms.

Back to the deck. Everyone prepares themselves. They set up defences, and wait. The Kraken strikes! Five arms reach out of the water and begin blindly swinging at the heroes. Bashanu and Null and wrapped up, Bashanu bashes the arm and frees himself, Null however is still trapped. There is no sign of it’s main body, so our heroes begin to fight the tentacles, hoping to reduce the number of them. Then all at once, more arms and the main body of the Kraken appear! Time for some fireworks. Bashanu grabs one of the charges and lobs it at the main body. It hits! With a great explosion the charge greatly wounds the Kraken. Without hesitation Bane takes a running leap and jumps overboard, now is the time to use the great demonic blade of Vico Vicario. He stabs at the Kraken, it wails in pain. The blade glows darkness, whispers begin to over take the sounds of the wailing. A voice screeches out “NOW YOU WILL FEEL POISON!” The kraken reacts violently to the sudden dark poison now flowing through its veins.

#15 - I'm on a boat!


It’s going fast! and I’ve got a…uh nevermind.

When we last left our heroes they had just hired an entirely new crew to help them cross the unknown sea. Each with their own back stories and personalities! Which means it will hurt even more when the heroes use them as canon fodder. The crew is as follows.

Navigator- Roywyn (F, Gnome)
Helmsman-Cade (M, Halfling)
Carpenter-Okle (M, Human)
Master Gunner-Helor (F, Half-elf)
Cook-Ellyjoybell (F, Gnome)
Big Man-Bjarn (M, Human)
Hired Help-Torggla (F, Dwarf)
Deckswab-Vagin (M, Human)
Master of Languages-Alfonzo (M, Elf)
Heavy Lifter-Garur (M, Dwarf)
Heavy Lifter-Golin (M, Dwarf)
Hired Help-Silaphith (F, Elf)
Hired Help-Mizra (F, Human)
Hired Help-Kenneth (M, Halfling)
Medic-Peter (M, Human)

After a quick introduction the team sets off. They don’t get very far before a storm suddenly appears and begins to beat up the ship. With quick thinking Bane ninja kicks the drunken captain below deck before he goes over board. Everyone ties themselves down and Bashanu runs to the helm, Cade is struggling against the waves. Bashanu picks him up in one arm and proceeds to pilot the ship threw the waves. There is something more to this storm than just nature. Something strikes the side of the ship, causing the railing to break and 2 of the new crew members to fall over, the saved by their rope ties. Just as they are rescued something hits the other side of the ship and another crew member falls over. They rescue him and Bane climbs to secure the rigging, he shouts that this is an unnatural storm and Arebella attempts to find a way out of its path. Null keeps the spirits of the crew up as the waves seem to get more intense with each pass. Bashanu rides the waves out of the storm. Once at a safe distance they see that the storm did indeed have more to it, as giant arms of a kraken appear from the surface of the water!

Our heroes get to fight a kraken! Will they be strong enough to protect their crew?

#14 - It's freeeeeeeee


On the way back to Dragon Port our heroes finally getting a chance to ask some questions of each other. This is really the first time since the beginning of their adventure that they could talk without slaying anything. Bane is clearly keeping information about himself secret. The group doesn’t mind, he’s been very helpful, why question that? Arabella explains that she is not very welcome among her kin, she goes a bit moon crazy and tends to want to hurt and loot people. Yeaaaaahhhh. With that our heroes turn to the question of what do they do now? Bane pulls out the map he collected from the caves and points to one of the draconic symbols. “This belongs to a clan of Dragon Born across the sea” he grunts “Probably the best place to start.” With them all in agreement the group rests the last of the journey back.

Once in Dragon Port the group finds their lost boat and realizes they are going to need a new crew, only the Minotaur and that bug guy remains. Word on the street is that the best place to hire crew is from Sven Ironhammer, a dwarf who can be often found at the local pub handing out free drinks. Free drinks? Well of course they need to go there! Once there our heroes can see that the pub is quite busy and Sven Ironhammer is dancing up a storm in one corner. Bowan and Null approach the bar, get some drinks, and then wander over to Ironhammer to begin discussing a crew.

Ironhammer greets them warmly and is quick to start the bargaining for the crew. Looks like our heroes needs to make a bit of money. Null really wants to battle the Bard playing for the crowd to make money that way but Bowan has better ideas. Drinking contest! He challenges Ironhammer, he Bowan wins he waives his fee for the crew, if Ironhammer wins Bowan works for him. Null goes to ask the bartender for the drinks, and persuades him to water down Bowans, not that she doesn’t have faith, she just wants to guarantee a win. Ask the drinking contest begins a crowd swarms around and Null begins a betting pool to earn more money. The contest goes great for Bowan who really only gets a bit drunk. Ironhammer falls to the ground, Bane steps into pick him up and helps himself to some money from his wallet. With that our heroes goes to “SVEN IRONHAMMERS EMPLOYMENT EMPORIUM” where they get the contacts of the crew members.

Our heroes are now ready to sail across the ocean! Not bad to have accomplished all this before noon.

#13 - We're like the Avengers or something


As Bane and Null try to catch up to the others they run into a very interesting character. Back flipping out of a second story window while shooting an undead in the face with a hand crossbow this new guy quickly makes a good impression on the heroes, but is it to last? After catching up with the others the group at last heads for the breech in the wall. It doesn’t seem like many undead have escaped but there is quite the group hanging out on the rubble.

Our heroes advance, they begin to take out the small feeble undead while one crazy mad face eater runs around screaming. It seemed like a fairly simple fight, our heroes were doing quite well but of course that can’t be right. Oh look! here comes a giant hulking undead beast from a burning building! The group turns and fights, easily multitasking the double sided battle. Heru creates a shadow creates that looks surprisingly like a hobbit, who enjoys flipping the undead off. The shadow stalks the giant. After sometime the giant is slain! He crashes into a water fountain, impaled onto the spiked centre piece. But what’s this? He rises from the dead! Good thing there was a rude shadow creature to quickly destroy it once more.

As they continued to fight this new guy decides to take a running start at an undead ‘commander,’ along the way he shoves Null to the side, causing her to fall into difficult terrain created by Heru. Well that’s it, this new guy needs to be taught a lesson. No one shoves a Drow and doesn’t suffer her wraith. While Null plots her revenge while looking like a baby deer on ice, Heru binds this strange newcomer in magic chains, which un/fortunately knocks him out cold. He won’t be happy about that in the morning. The battle is won! And this is when the Emperors guard makes a fashionably late arrival. They begin to take care of the rest of the horde and our heroes get a ride back to Dragon Port for a well deserved rest.

#12 - In hindsight, this was a bad idea


Our heroes watch as the city of Dragon Fall burns around them, there is nothing more they can do for it. But even if this city is lost to the dragon hell spawn they must fight to keep it contained! From top of the tower they spot a break in the outer wall, some undead are moving to infect the surrounding area. With hordes of undead starting to amass in the city centre below them our heroes opt for a skyward route. Arabella takes the longest rope they have and lodges it in a building near the outer wall, creating a zip line for our non-flying heroes to descend on.

Bashanu and Bowan take to the flight with ease. Heru has a slight miscalculation and ends up hanging from the side of a building, but is able to get back to the line with the help of owl bear. Null looks to the ground and wishes that the Undying Court would bring her tests of diplomacy instead of acrobatics. Her nerves get the better of her and immediately she begins to fall down the side of the tower. Bane reacts quickly and throws a rope after her, seeing that she is unable to grab hold he drops off the side holding on to the rope in a bid to try and catch her. Nothing helps, Null crashes into the paved city circle, barely conscious and surrounded by undead. Bane is able to land safely next to her and begins to blast the undead backwards. Null struggles to stand up and creates a cloud of darkness to conceal them. They now must make their way to the outer wall on foot. They clear the centre and once Null patched herself up they have no problem finding their way through the streets to meet up with the rest of the group.

Now is the time for fighting, our heroes must hold the undead wave back long enough for the reinforcements from the King to arrive.

#11 - We have skills! Well...sort of.


Our heroes ascended down the outer wall and found themselves surrounded by hordes of the undead! These dragon minions were creating havoc and turning the townsfolk to the cause of their dragon overlord. It is decided that the group must get to the central tower in the city. There they can see everything from the safety of the stone walls.

As they work their way through the flaming streets and collapsing buildings our heroes are joined by a terrified and injured woman. She goes with them for safety but they failed to realize she had been bitten and would soon turn into an undead minion.

Many skill testing situations presented themselves a long the way. And our heroes succeed maybe half of them! …
They came across another villager, rather another villager fell upon them from above. Bashanu gracefully caught the man, but turned him away from the group as they needed to keep moving. The man ran off and was quickly overtaken by undead and eaten and Bashanu looked on with unblinking eyes of stone.

Finally! The central courtyard. Now they just had to get past another horde of undead. No problem! They made their way through the crowd, thanks to Banes ability to be sneaky, only to stop near the base of the tower to stand around their travelling companion as she was now in more pain than ever. After a quick discussion, Arabella drew her bow and went to help the woman end her suffering. She missed however, and the woman just keeled over in more pain. But enough of her! Our heroes ran the last of the way to the tower with ease thanks to Heru’s binding ice chains keep the undead at bay. Alas the door to the tower was locked. But this was the perfect time for Null to realize she can open locks with the power of her lute! What awaits them inside? Why do our heroes suck so bad at skill challenges? Tune in and find out!

#10 - Should have picked the levitate ability


Kobolds. So many god damn Kobolds. They were simple enough to destroy at least. Bane took out 5 of the annoying little undead creatures right away. As the battle neared it’s end one of the Kobolds ran off afraid of its fate. Unfortunately for him he ran right into someone else in the forest who killed him anyway. As our heroes finally got a break from the long battle and mysterious figure stepped out of the forest, throwing the run away Kobold at their feet.

Bashanu couldn’t believe his eyes, there stood another Shardmind! The new Shardmind explained that not only were there 3 other Shardminds in the world but that he was apart of the Kings Guard and was sent ahead of the drone army to scout out the destruction of Dragon Fall. Bashanu was elated! More Shardminds! He had gone for so long believing he was the last remaining of his kind.

The new Shardmind invited them along to help scout out the city. As they approached Dragon Falls, they saw the intense flames and heard the panicked cries of the city folk. With the gate destroyed our heroes needed to scale the outer walls. The Shardmind climbed it easily, Arabella flew up beside him. Heru scanned the wall and found a path that was easy to climb. Bane and Bowan climbed the wall like Dwarven ice climbers (I don’t what that means either.) Bashanu made an attempt and didn’t quite make it. Null smacked her face off the wall twice before Bashanu had the brilliant/evil idea of throwing Null up to those waiting at the top of the wall. With little warning or talk he picked her up and threw the screaming Drow at the top of the wall. Will this plan work? Will Null just get another facefull of wall? Tune in to find out!


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